How To Be A Republican

• You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
• You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.
• You have to believe...everything Rush Limbaugh says.
• You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.
• You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.
• You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.

- Ann Richards

[Alternate to the first item: "born on third base, but thought he hit a triple."]

The late Ann Richards had a real Texas accent. Her comments may seem a bit dated, but not all that much.